This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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