Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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