I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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