Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
