Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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