Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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