That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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