The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
