Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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