No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
