There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
