I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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