you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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