He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
