You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
