So drunk, too bad you don't want this
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
