So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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