please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
