I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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