So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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