I like my sex mixed with concussions.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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