I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
