i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
