Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
