Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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