i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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