It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
