How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
