Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
