Too much gin, very little bucket
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Someone signed my nipple.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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