had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
