paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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