not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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