You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
