So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
