6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
