I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
