This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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