; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
