We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
