I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I believe in your delicious
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
