Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
