I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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