lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
