I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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