I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
