when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
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