Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
