they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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