Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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