One girl and one boy is just not enough.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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