I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
