Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
