Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
